It's not to leave you that I'm goin'
I'm just goin' to be alone
I'm just goin' to be alone
I’m feeling under the gun lately. Managing my mornings of making breakfast, creating a school lunch, filling the backpack – getting dressed, getting Annie dressed – We all do it, dashing out the door or catching the bus – making that appointment – getting to your desk on time. Making sure you’re home to meet that bus, pick up at school, bring to ballet, bring to soccer, pick up that birthday present, drop off that package at the post office – do this, do that, buy this, buy that, call her, call him, leave a message, pay that bill, write that down, don’t forget it. Edit those photos, create beauty at that session, hug your child, hug your partner, hug yourself. Oooops!!! That’s what I always forget to do, hug myself. Take time for myself. Every morning I say, ok today is the day I will take 30 minutes and just sit in the sun, or just read that book a little bit on my lunch hour, or make a point to go for a walk after dinner or make it to that spin class. Just for me. And each night when I turn the lights out I think it happened again, I am not nurturing myself. I am putting myself on the back burner and with all the positive energy I give to everyone else I completely and totally ignore me. And it’s not working anymore. I find I snap a bit more. I’m a bit overwhelmed, the patience is gone and I find that because I’m not doing for me, I can more easily ignore me because well, I’m tired. Tired from lack of exercising, tired from lack of stimulation in the form of an adult conversation or laughing loud and hearty with a friend, or forgetting about keeping up with the Joneses and just trying to keep up with me. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mother, I love being a photographer, I love making connections with people but I also love myself and I really don’t love who I have become as of late. I used to feel a bit more whimsical and I miss that. I used to feel freer and lighter - I used to sing more and be spontaneous. I used to not care what others thought, I used to be in tune with myself, my soul song. I know it's all in there. I feel it knocking on my hearts door wanting to be let out again to play. So I am challenging myself to not forget myself. And I challenge you to not forget you. Take some time go get a pedicure, go sit in the sun, stick your toes in the sand, listen to your heart for just 30 minutes – breathe deep. Take a drive with the windows down and the music loud. And don’t feel guilty either. That’s not allowed! I just know if we all put ourselves first for once we just might be surprised with how easily everything else falls into place. I know, I know – easier said than done. But I’m ignoring the laundry today and I am going to ignore my computer for a while – before the rain falls here in Boston (again), I am taking some time to go breathe some fresh air – I'm going to listen to the rhythm of the world. I’m just going to think. Think about nothing. Think about everything. Think about me. xo
gorgeous image by Bevelry Lefevre Photography